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Never get involved in a land war in Latin America either.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/47956539
Jared here. A club mix. With dancing women over it. I’d sue the bastards, but damned if it doesn’t somehow feel truer than my original acoustic version.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/46745620
Jared here. I figured out what a hypothetical pastry expense is, and no I won’t tell you because it’s like Tubgirl to the factor of 2 Girls One Cup times Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Oh god, if I say that does that mean we’re sponsored by them now? I hope not. Unless they pay as much as the price of a fleet of Smart Cars. WHY DID HE GET US FIVE SMART CARS?
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/46491522
Having shut him up, I resumed the Sudoku. Many fine Sudoku have been completed in a cafe. People like to say Sudoku. Say it with me. Sudoku. Sudoku. Roll it around until it sounds like a sushi roll. Like a fish. I’ll have the Sudoku. One Sudoku Nigiri. It’s not racist, it’s Japanese.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/45845618
The strip club does have a buffet, but we figured we shouldn’t tempt fate, since we’d already cheated the odds on hepatitis.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/45244810
Oh look! It is as if Digg itself sponsored this video and not as if we stole a wallpaper image from a DeviantArt site! Are we suggesting that you, precious viewer, submit this video to Digg.com and thereby ruin the show with an influx of irony-deficient webtards? Never! We’d never buy cheap fleeting attention at the expense of our — Jesus Christ, that’s our TOTAL view count? That’s barely even a number. DIGG THIS CLIP YOU BASTARD PEOPLE.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/44834408
I just did MOMA in twenty minutes. Now I’m off to see a Philip Glass concert at 32x speed before my daily session of yoga-in-a-jiffy.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/44709206
How callous was my heart before
I met an angel named Lenore
Actually she’s named Shontay
She’s pretty hot stuff either way.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/44483465
Gee, Nick, thanks for posting this! No, honestly. Seeeeeriously. But seriously. Not. Not not. I was kidding. About “Not.” About it being true. PSYCH
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/44267167
Nick gained plenty of executive experience as assistant manager at a now-closed Starbucks.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/44104914
Jared here. I’ll say it again: We just can’t wonder any more. God? Dead. Love? Pheromones. The only remaining mystery is Hannah Montana.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43961839
When it’s time to repopulate the world, I’m not taking my chances.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43823631
Nick here. I also replaced my sleep with placebo sleep: I think I’m dreaming but I’m really just on a sugar pill. And acid.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43535736
Everyone knows about Washington’s false teeth, but few know about his love for David Caruso. Ha ha, a historical figure is being inappropriate!
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43431367
Of course, since Nick has the Capgras delusion, he thinks all the people he’s only seen once before have been replaced by actors whom he’s never seen again.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43284688
Jared here. I really liked that cat, I think. Unless it was a small dog.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43164583
I suppose it’s better than the time he told me he’d learned Chinese.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/43042567
Nick here. My next project is a thousand finger-play fortune tellers. I’m not wishing for anything, I just have a grade school I want to bend to my will. Anyone have a collection of eight thousand hypnotic triggers?
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/42740432
Jared here with a peek at this sketch’s deleted scenes:
“His grave was covered in FLOURS!”
“Gramps died just like my baNANA!”
“The funeral took place on a SUNDAE!”
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/42644401
But last time it was so FUN
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/42499043
Can someone recommend a hangover cure? The lingering effect of OH GOD CLEAR A PATH CLEAR A PATH TO THE BATHROOM
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/42341533
I’m sorry, everyone. Jared will not just read the script I’ve written for him. Nothing’s ever good enough for the talent!
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/42236596
Nick here. Guess over the weekend I’ll need to get a haircut that looks exactly like the one I’ve had in all previous sketches!
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/41944558
Hey all! Looks like we’re so hard up for gags that we’ve been robbing the grave of Calvin and Hobbes creator Bill Watterson, and he’s NOT EVEN DEAD.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/41783377
˙ʞɔıɯɯıƃ ɐ s,ʇı ‘puɐʇs ʇ,uɐɔ ı ƃuıɥʇ ǝuo s,ǝɹǝɥʇ ɟı ˙ǝɹǝɥ ʞɔıu
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/41642367
Jared here. This was the fifteenth take and the first time Nick didn’t draw blood.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/41495843
Welcome back, hardy few. Jared here. You should have seen Nick’s little legs flapping and then going limp as he bobbed to the surface.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/41343243
Some poor soul told me they avoided watching these clips Jared and I made. They thought each one was an hour long. Let me assure you we are far too lazy to shoot anything much longer than a pop song. In fact Jared wears very tiny earphones during our shoots so he doesn’t actually have to listen to me, and when he finishes hearing a pop song, we have to switch to the next sketch.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/40849592
Hello again, it’s Nick. Jared is not a romantic. He once took a girl to a first date at a slaughterhouse. He says this saved him a fortune on dinner.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/40738793
Hello, Nick here. Jared and I cannot agree on the merits of Axe. Disappointing, because when he’s not around I’ve been dousing his bedsheets in it.
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/40521081
Nick: Nick Douglas
Jared: Jared Horney
Director: Justin Morrison
Title card: Bryan McKay
http://theblankwhitecards.com/post/40385457
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