"I made this blog because I like to and need to write. I hope that some people enjoy reading this but even if they don't I'll enjoy clearing all of these random thoughts from my head."
Created by tatercakes on Apr 30, 2008
Last updated: 03/06/10 at 02:58 AM
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After six months of coffees, breakfasts, lunches and general “Entrepreneur-In-Residence”ing with the good folks at Trinity Ventures, I’ve decided to add one back to the non-farm payroll numbers to help the economy and get a real job again.
As we announced today, this past Monday I joined email archiving and hosting Software-As-A-Service vendor LiveOffice as [...]
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/05/15/new-gig/
I remember running our first website in the mid 1990s during college. In addition to dealing with the hassles of not knowing how to architect properly, program properly, launch properly or run a business properly, I remember how complex it was to simply get the infrastructure up, running and scaled. People who ran websites during that time remember how much downtime the average site faced. I remember when AOL would feature our ad on their homepage, it was guaranteed that our site (and therefore revenue) would grind to a halt. Same with Father’s Day (we were selling golf clubs) and Christmas. We started thinking of posting a sign like the ones you see in manufacturing floors about safety:
It’s been 2 days since the last website outage.
We were constantly in a rut of buying more colo space, servers and software and yet nothing made things run smoothly.
Given that experience a decade ago, it is with envy and pleasure that I watch the revolution that is cloud computing. Obviously much has been written about Amazon Web Services and the brand new Google AppEngine. And we know that there is much more to come from the large vendors (including Microsoft) as well as the startup community.
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/04/19/career-ramblings-making-money-in-the-clouds/
I remember running our first website in the mid 1990s during college. In addition to dealing with the hassles of not knowing how to architect properly, program properly, launch properly or run a business properly, I remember how complex it was to simply get the infrastructure up, running and scaled. People who ran websites during that time remember how much downtime the average site faced. I remember when AOL would feature our ad on their homepage, it was guaranteed that our site (and therefore revenue) would grind to a halt. Same with Father’s Day (we were selling golf clubs) and Christmas. We started thinking of posting a sign like the ones you see in manufacturing floors about safety:
It’s been 2 days since the last website outage.
We were constantly in a rut of buying more colo space, servers and software and yet nothing made things run smoothly.
Given that experience a decade ago, it is with envy and pleasure that I watch the revolution that is cloud computing. Obviously much has been written about Amazon Web Services and the brand new Google AppEngine. And we know that there is much more to come from the large vendors (including Microsoft) as well as the startup community.
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/04/19/career-ramblings-making-money-in-the-clouds/
The most important thing about cloud computing, in my mind, is that it is reducing the cost of experimentation. Starting is a company or launching a product is all about experimentation. Just like in science, as the cost of experimentation goes down, more experiments can be run and we have to rely less on induction and hypotheses and more on empirical evidence. And as failed focus groups and market research (New Coke anyone?) have shown us over time, in the consumer world there is no better way to understand behavior than to actually experiment. Consumers can’t tell you what they want but they know what they want when they see it. So stop working on the PowerPoint or debating the idea and just build the site!
However, as an entrepreneur spending time in the VC world, I’ve spent a lot of time (with limited progress) thinking about what the disruptive business opportunity is in enabling cloud computing. We know that cloud computing is enabling countless new startup ventures itself but is there is a great startup opportunity around building the infrastructure for cloud computing infrastructure?
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-chief-ramblings-home-alone/
The most important thing about cloud computing, in my mind, is that it is reducing the cost of experimentation. Starting is a company or launching a product is all about experimentation. Just like in science, as the cost of experimentation goes down, more experiments can be run and we have to rely less on induction and hypotheses and more on empirical evidence. And as failed focus groups and market research (New Coke anyone?) have shown us over time, in the consumer world there is no better way to understand behavior than to actually experiment. Consumers can’t tell you what they want but they know what they want when they see it. So stop working on the PowerPoint or debating the idea and just build the site!
However, as an entrepreneur spending time in the VC world, I’ve spent a lot of time (with limited progress) thinking about what the disruptive business opportunity is in enabling cloud computing. We know that cloud computing is enabling countless new startup ventures itself but is there is a great startup opportunity around building the infrastructure for cloud computing infrastructure?
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-chief-ramblings-home-alone/
Quote from my friend Matt this past Saturday night:
“I like reading your blog. But what’s up with no new posts since February 27th? Get with the program! Write something or I’m going to unsubscribe from your feed.”
So apologies to Matt and the others who have mistakenly waited on baited breath for my truly incoherent babble. [...]
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/04/03/career-ramblings-the-options-and-the-option-ed/
It’s been way too long since my last post and I should be writing about the VMware Europe conference that I’m attending right now (I’ll do that shortly). But today there is much more important news to comment on.
Today, Pittsburgh Steelers broadcaster Myron Cope, of Terrible Towel, Immaculate Reception and Yoi fame, died at the ripe-old-yet-still-young age of 79.
To non-Steelers-fans, I’m sure you’re wondering why the heck I’m writing about this. But for those of us that bleed Black and Gold, this is a sad and profound day. Myron’s voice and diction defined our Steeler Nation, even after his retirement in 2004. When I think of a “Stiller” game, there is one shrill set of vocal chords that comes to mind, and that’s Cope.
Andy Russell said it best: “”It is a very sad day, but Myron lived every day to make people happy, to use his great sense of humor to dissect the various issues of the sporting world.” I can only hope to aspire to create 1/100th the joy Myron has for people in my life. He will be missed dearly.
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/02/27/steelers-ramblings-yoi-what-a-life/
It’s been way too long since my last post and I should be writing about the VMware Europe conference that I’m attending right now (I’ll do that shortly). But today there is much more important news to comment on.
Today, Pittsburgh Steelers broadcaster Myron Cope, of Terrible Towel, Immaculate Reception and Yoi fame, died at the ripe-old-yet-still-young age of 79.
To non-Steelers-fans, I’m sure you’re wondering why the heck I’m writing about this. But for those of us that bleed Black and Gold, this is a sad and profound day. Myron’s voice and diction defined our Steeler Nation, even after his retirement in 2004. When I think of a “Stiller” game, there is one shrill set of vocal chords that comes to mind, and that’s Cope.
Andy Russell said it best: “”It is a very sad day, but Myron lived every day to make people happy, to use his great sense of humor to dissect the various issues of the sporting world.” I can only hope to aspire to create 1/100th the joy Myron has for people in my life. He will be missed dearly.
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/02/27/steelers-ramblings-yoi-what-a-life/
Quote from Mrs. Fitful Dreams on the way back from my brother-in-law (he-who-owns the 60″ HD TV)’s house Sunday night: “I don’t know why, but I feel - it’s not the same but - almost as good as if the Steelers had won.”
So the question to you (outside of the 508/617/781/603 area codes): why are [...]
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/steelers-err-giants-ramblings-reflecting-on-giant-happiness/
I had lunch with my good friend Dave last week and we were talking about an idea/metaphor that I’ve been brainstorming for some time.
For some context, Dave and I have held career counseling / idea brainstorming lunches and dinners every few months for the past ten years since we both graduated from college and moved [...]
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/career-ramblings-ladders-in-the-sky/
I’ll write up more about what I’m doing as an “Entrepreneur-In-Residence.” Suffice it to say, however, that much of being an EIR involves meeting people – whether it’s other investors to tell them about my background, potential technical co-founders with whom to work on ideas or other industry contacts. This has been the best [...]
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/career-ramblings-networking-the-anti-diet/
I’ll write up more about what I’m doing as an “Entrepreneur-In-Residence.” Suffice it to say, however, that much of being an EIR involves meeting people - whether it’s other investors to tell them about my background, potential technical co-founders with whom to work on ideas or other industry contacts. This has been the best part because there is little that I love more (besides my family and the Steelers) than meeting new people.
But for some strange reason, we’ve trained ourselves (especially guys) as a species to be unable to meet without consuming some food, beverage or both. As such, being an EIR truly involves stressing your appetite control.
Because I’m crazy like that and for fun, I decided to do a tally on the meetings I’ve had since I started the EIR program on October 8, 2007. Note a few things:
* This only includes in-person meetings
* I primarily counted meetings of people for the first time (e.g., not internal meetings at Trinity Ventures)
* I wasn’t even in the office for about 4 weeks during the period (between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)
So I wanted to study how my career transition has benefited local food and beverage merchants and necessitated and increased focus on going to the gym. Here’s the tally over 3+ months by location:
* 165 meetings in non-descript locations (e.g., our office, other VC offices, company offices) where food and/or beverages may have been served, but the cuisine wasn’t notable.
* 30 breakfasts and lunches at the Sundeck Restaurant right at the heart of VC land (3000 Sand Hill Road) and 1 minute walking from my office. You can almost hear the din of startups being built up and participating preferred and liquidation preferences being laid down as Luis serves me my egg-white omelette for breakfast or perfectly-cooked sea bass at noon.
* 17 visits to St. Stephens’ Green, an Irish bar on Castro Street in Mountain View. I like the fact that the #3 entry for my so-called “job” is a bar. :) Also note that that 17 includes 2 separate sets of back-to-back-to-back “meetings” in the pub.
* 12 trips to Clocktower Coffee in mid-Mountain View, where I sit right now. Though the Starbucks-knockoff is shameless in its imitation of design and menu, it’s 0.4 miles from my house. :)
* 8 stints at University Coffee Cafe in downtown Palo Alto (I got tired of hyper-linking). This place is particularly big for networking. Wednesday I bumped into 2 other EIRs there. Keep in mind that there are like 50 EIRs at any given point TOTAL. :)
* 8 rounds of beers (again including some back-to-backs) at The Old Pro sports bar in downtown Palo Alto.
* 7 scrambles at Hobees, my favorite breakfast place, where they always ask about The Chief.
* 6 breakfasts at Bucks’. Surprisingly-low for the VC standby but it’s north of my house and office, though I love the charm of Woodside.
* Only 6 coffees at Starbucks. I guess it’s another sign of the anti-chain mentality of us Californians. Or my laziness because the nearest Starbucks is 0.8 miles away instead of 0.4.
* 3 stops at Zibbibo (love that place).
* 2 visits to Citizen Cake (over-rated).
* 2 cozy drinks in the soft chairs at Stanford Park Hotel.
* 2 awesome lunches at Junoon, the best Indian fusion around (okay, there’s not that much Indian fusion but still).
* And 1 a-piece at 4 Seasons Palo Alto, Il Fornaio (only one?), Thirsty Bear SF, Michael Minna (now I wish I had more times there!), Bay Cafe, Garibaldi’s, Dutch Goose, Westin SF, Los Altos Pancake House, Peet’s Coffee, Crowne Plaza Palo Alto, Fibber Magees, Courtyard Marriott SF, Straits Cafe (rocks), Residence Inn Sunnyvale (does not), Tamarine (best in Palo Alto still), Palo Alto Sol (decent Mexican) and Cafe Milano (Berkeley).
Now that’s good eating (and drinking)! On to the gym…
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/career-ramblings-networking-the-anti-diet/
I’ll write up more about what I’m doing as an “Entrepreneur-In-Residence.” Suffice it to say, however, that much of being an EIR involves meeting people - whether it’s other investors to tell them about my background, potential technical co-founders with whom to work on ideas or other industry contacts. This has been the best part because there is little that I love more (besides my family and the Steelers) than meeting new people.
But for some strange reason, we’ve trained ourselves (especially guys) as a species to be unable to meet without consuming some food, beverage or both. As such, being an EIR truly involves stressing your appetite control.
Because I’m crazy like that and for fun, I decided to do a tally on the meetings I’ve had since I started the EIR program on October 8, 2007. Note a few things:
* This only includes in-person meetings
* I primarily counted meetings of people for the first time (e.g., not internal meetings at Trinity Ventures)
* I wasn’t even in the office for about 4 weeks during the period (between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)
So I wanted to study how my career transition has benefited local food and beverage merchants and necessitated and increased focus on going to the gym. Here’s the tally over 3+ months by location:
* 165 meetings in non-descript locations (e.g., our office, other VC offices, company offices) where food and/or beverages may have been served, but the cuisine wasn’t notable.
* 30 breakfasts and lunches at the Sundeck Restaurant right at the heart of VC land (3000 Sand Hill Road) and 1 minute walking from my office. You can almost hear the din of startups being built up and participating preferred and liquidation preferences being laid down as Luis serves me my egg-white omelette for breakfast or perfectly-cooked sea bass at noon.
* 17 visits to St. Stephens’ Green, an Irish bar on Castro Street in Mountain View. I like the fact that the #3 entry for my so-called “job” is a bar. :) Also note that that 17 includes 2 separate sets of back-to-back-to-back “meetings” in the pub.
* 12 trips to Clocktower Coffee in mid-Mountain View, where I sit right now. Though the Starbucks-knockoff is shameless in its imitation of design and menu, it’s 0.4 miles from my house. :)
* 8 stints at University Coffee Cafe in downtown Palo Alto (I got tired of hyper-linking). This place is particularly big for networking. Wednesday I bumped into 2 other EIRs there. Keep in mind that there are like 50 EIRs at any given point TOTAL. :)
* 8 rounds of beers (again including some back-to-backs) at The Old Pro sports bar in downtown Palo Alto.
* 7 scrambles at Hobees, my favorite breakfast place, where they always ask about The Chief.
* 6 breakfasts at Bucks’. Surprisingly-low for the VC standby but it’s north of my house and office, though I love the charm of Woodside.
* Only 6 coffees at Starbucks. I guess it’s another sign of the anti-chain mentality of us Californians. Or my laziness because the nearest Starbucks is 0.8 miles away instead of 0.4.
* 3 stops at Zibbibo (love that place).
* 2 visits to Citizen Cake (over-rated).
* 2 cozy drinks in the soft chairs at Stanford Park Hotel.
* 2 awesome lunches at Junoon, the best Indian fusion around (okay, there’s not that much Indian fusion but still).
* And 1 a-piece at 4 Seasons Palo Alto, Il Fornaio (only one?), Thirsty Bear SF, Michael Minna (now I wish I had more times there!), Bay Cafe, Garibaldi’s, Dutch Goose, Westin SF, Los Altos Pancake House, Peet’s Coffee, Crowne Plaza Palo Alto, Fibber Magees, Courtyard Marriott SF, Straits Cafe (rocks), Residence Inn Sunnyvale (does not), Tamarine (best in Palo Alto still), Palo Alto Sol (decent Mexican) and Cafe Milano (Berkeley).
Now that’s good eating (and drinking)! On to the gym…
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/career-ramblings-networking-the-anti-diet/
When I left Symantec in October, I told friends who asked that my goal was to “run my own company.” I had this visceral/irrational/psychotic desire to create and lead a great organization. I was and am confident that that’s what I need to do next.
Unfortunately, it was the next query that initially stumped me: “What space do you want to focus on?” It’s a natural question - I’m sure I myself ask it to others that are going through career changes. Sometimes there was an undercurrent of “are you going to stick around in that boring, maturing enterprise IT space or go work on something cool?,” although usually it was an honest inquiry.
The challenge for me was that I’m not a sector guy. I like running/starting things simply for the thrill of building a team (see my football passion). The unique energy that comes from a group of people singularly focused on a shared goal is what gets me going. Whether the goal is photo sharing, pet food, photovolatics or parallel file systems isn’t the first thing I worry about. Heck - I worked in investment banking, consulting, golf e-commerce, a file sharing system turned into a storage system, storage/backup, email and legal discovery over my brief career. Each time, I came in as the new guy knowing nothing about the area.
But I did think about the fact that I needed some kind of focus both to help others help me find opportunities / people as well as to help me filter down the things I find. One of the best piece of advice I got was from Kevin, a friend and partner at a venture capital firm, who told me (now-obvious but not as obvious then) that I’ll be jumping into a new role (first-time CEO) so I should do everything I can to stack the deck in my favor.
As such, since I’d worked in infrastructure (enterprise data center “stuff”) broadly the past seven years, I thought long and hard about focusing on what I know. I really like infrastructure products in one sense because there is a pretty big challenge in bridging these complex technologies into customer value propositions and go-to-markets that make sense and that’s exactly what I love to do.
In this spirit, I’ve spent the last several months looking at many of the new innovations in storage, virtualization, data centers, etc. And you know what? There is a lot going on! Some of the changes happening in the consumer and general application worlds are filtering down to new requirements for infrastructure. Some of the vision that we were pitching at VERITAS around “Utility Computing” back in 2003 is actually becoming a reality now. Whether you look at virtualization, cloud computing architecture, infrastructure services like Amazon EC2 or S3, the world of the data center is evolving rapidly.
In addition, I reflected back on my experiences in the changing “conventional wisdom” during past cycles… (paraphrased advice I got from various folks over the years)
1998: This “Internet” thing is risky but looks interesting. But why would you ever turn down an i-banking job to go into it?
1999: Would you like to cash out your stock in $1,000,000 bills or $100,000s?
2000: The consumer Internet is dead. You guys were a bunch of idiots to think it could ever turn into anything. In fact, you should feel bad for what you did. Subpoenas are coming shortly. It’s all about the enterprise. B-to-B baby.
2002: Enterprise applications and that whole “B-to-B” thing is pretty consolidated now but selling the picks and shovels (infrastructure) is where it’s at. But don’t go to VMware - Microsoft is going to eat their lunch very soon.
2005: Enterprise what? Wait - what kinds of CPMs are you getting for your “storage software?” Or is it CPC? Why would you want to deal with business customers anyways?
2007: Yeah we kind of over-corrected on the whole consumer versus enterprise thing. And honestly this consumer world is a total bubble, except for my investments.
So you can’t always listen to what people say. :)
In any case, I find these deep foundational technologies to be fun. I believe they demand great work on the sales and marketing side to bring them to the industry. And I am seeing a number of interesting unmet market needs out there.
Who knows where I’ll end up, but it’s been fun so far.
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/16/career-ramblings-infrastructure-is-cool-enough/
When I left Symantec in October, I told friends who asked that my goal was to “run my own company.” I had this visceral/irrational/psychotic desire to create and lead a great organization. I was and am confident that that’s what I need to do next.
Unfortunately, it was the next query that initially stumped me: “What space do you want to focus on?” It’s a natural question - I’m sure I myself ask it to others that are going through career changes. Sometimes there was an undercurrent of “are you going to stick around in that boring, maturing enterprise IT space or go work on something cool?,” although usually it was an honest inquiry.
The challenge for me was that I’m not a sector guy. I like running/starting things simply for the thrill of building a team (see my football passion). The unique energy that comes from a group of people singularly focused on a shared goal is what gets me going. Whether the goal is photo sharing, pet food, photovolatics or parallel file systems isn’t the first thing I worry about. Heck - I worked in investment banking, consulting, golf e-commerce, a file sharing system turned into a storage system, storage/backup, email and legal discovery over my brief career. Each time, I came in as the new guy knowing nothing about the area.
But I did think about the fact that I needed some kind of focus both to help others help me find opportunities / people as well as to help me filter down the things I find. One of the best piece of advice I got was from Kevin, a friend and partner at a venture capital firm, who told me (now-obvious but not as obvious then) that I’ll be jumping into a new role (first-time CEO) so I should do everything I can to stack the deck in my favor.
As such, since I’d worked in infrastructure (enterprise data center “stuff”) broadly the past seven years, I thought long and hard about focusing on what I know. I really like infrastructure products in one sense because there is a pretty big challenge in bridging these complex technologies into customer value propositions and go-to-markets that make sense and that’s exactly what I love to do.
In this spirit, I’ve spent the last several months looking at many of the new innovations in storage, virtualization, data centers, etc. And you know what? There is a lot going on! Some of the changes happening in the consumer and general application worlds are filtering down to new requirements for infrastructure. Some of the vision that we were pitching at VERITAS around “Utility Computing” back in 2003 is actually becoming a reality now. Whether you look at virtualization, cloud computing architecture, infrastructure services like Amazon EC2 or S3, the world of the data center is evolving rapidly.
In addition, I reflected back on my experiences in the changing “conventional wisdom” during past cycles… (paraphrased advice I got from various folks over the years)
1998: This “Internet” thing is risky but looks interesting. But why would you ever turn down an i-banking job to go into it?
1999: Would you like to cash out your stock in $1,000,000 bills or $100,000s?
2000: The consumer Internet is dead. You guys were a bunch of idiots to think it could ever turn into anything. In fact, you should feel bad for what you did. Subpoenas are coming shortly. It’s all about the enterprise. B-to-B baby.
2002: Enterprise applications and that whole “B-to-B” thing is pretty consolidated now but selling the picks and shovels (infrastructure) is where it’s at. But don’t go to VMware - Microsoft is going to eat their lunch very soon.
2005: Enterprise what? Wait - what kinds of CPMs are you getting for your “storage software?” Or is it CPC? Why would you want to deal with business customers anyways?
2007: Yeah we kind of over-corrected on the whole consumer versus enterprise thing. And honestly this consumer world is a total bubble, except for my investments.
So you can’t always listen to what people say. :)
In any case, I find these deep foundational technologies to be fun. I believe they demand great work on the sales and marketing side to bring them to the industry. And I am seeing a number of interesting unmet market needs out there.
Who knows where I’ll end up, but it’s been fun so far.
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/16/career-ramblings-infrastructure-is-cool-enough/
Asha is such a little mom, it’s not even funny. She has a little stuffed animal that looks like a dog (mysteriously named “Doggy” :) ). It’s one of these toys that parents approach like radioactive material after bedtime, since touching nearly every part of it starts an annoying, loud and unstoppable song.
In any case, for some time, Asha has taken to increasing levels of mothering, smothering and now bossing around of Doggy and the other stuffed animals in the house:
* Before she is able to get into the high chair, she takes Doggy to the high chair next to her’s and says “Doggy sit” and then “Doggy bib” and “Doggy milk”
* While on an airplane back from Hawaii, and separated from the window by Doggy, sh shoved Doggy to the side and said “No doggy, Asha’s turn.”
* After holding Doggy up to the mirror and banging his head against it: “Gentle, Doggy.”
* After taking an imaginary bowl of oatmeal that she “cooked” (an empty plastic bowl) to Doggy sitting at the table: “Doggy spill oatmeal; Asha have to clean up Doggy’s mess.”
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/11/the-chief-ramblings-doggy-discipline/
Asha is such a little mom, it’s not even funny. She has a little stuffed animal that looks like a dog (mysteriously named “Doggy” :) ). It’s one of these toys that parents approach like radioactive material after bedtime, since touching nearly every part of it starts an annoying, loud and unstoppable song.
In any case, for some time, Asha has taken to increasing levels of mothering, smothering and now bossing around of Doggy and the other stuffed animals in the house:
* Before she is able to get into the high chair, she takes Doggy to the high chair next to her’s and says “Doggy sit” and then “Doggy bib” and “Doggy milk”
* While on an airplane back from Hawaii, and separated from the window by Doggy, sh shoved Doggy to the side and said “No doggy, Asha’s turn.”
* After holding Doggy up to the mirror and banging his head against it: “Gentle, Doggy.”
* After taking an imaginary bowl of oatmeal that she “cooked” (an empty plastic bowl) to Doggy sitting at the table: “Doggy spill oatmeal; Asha have to clean up Doggy’s mess.”
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/11/the-chief-ramblings-doggy-discipline/
One of my mental New Year’s resolutions was to blog every day. Consistently. And here I am on January 9th with my first post. So belated Happy New Year!
I have an excuse though… I am under a stormy cloud, probably the same giant one that’s physically covered the San Francisco area for the past week and metaphorically draped the Pittsburgh (412) area code and outliers like the Mehta household since Saturday. If you missed it, our Steelers lost a heart-breaker (in every sense of the word) to the Jaguars in the first (Wild Card) round of the playoffs last weekend.
I’ve been a Steelers fan for a long time (15 years or so). I’ve lived through every season with all of my heart. And, despite my eternal optimism and annual wager on them winning the Super Bowl, most years they eventually lose (except the glorious 2005-2006 season). Therefore, nearly every year, the weekly Sunday ritual ends prematurely. This is the situation for 31 of 32 NFL teams and their adoring audience each year. This is the deal we accept as fans. Most of the time (all of the time if you are a Browns or Bengals fan :) ) disappointment will eventually come.
It either arrives mid-season when you realize your team won’t make the playoffs, at the end of the season as you watch an 8-8 or 9-7 record barely miss and wish you were in the NFC or in January at some point. That’s the deal. It’s never easy.
Each time, you then look at the calendar and, if you’re me, you figure out how many days til the new season kicks off next September. This is the drill.
I remember pretty much every playoff loss since I’ve been a fan and the scars are unique in their own ways:
* 1995: Losing to the San Diego Chargers, after being heavy favorites, at home because we got stopped on fourth-and-goal.
* 1996: Losing to the Dallas Cowboys in the Super Bowl due to the 3 Neil O’Donnell Christmas-wrapped interceptions.
* 1997: Getting blown out 28-3 by the pre-Brady/Bellicheck Patriots, before we knew that they are who we thought they were.
* 1998: Losing 24-21 to the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship at home, after ill-advised coaching caused Kordell Stewart to throw when we were at the Denver goal line (back when we had an unstoppable running game) and began the back-to-back for Elway.
* 2002: Losing to the Cinderella season first Pats Super Bowl team, after being heavily favored at home in the AFC Championship; a result of a punt and FG return for a TD, both featuring Troy Brown.
* 2003: Losing a thrilling divisional playoff game to Tennessee, with our D letting Mcnair & Co. move down the field in OT and kick the winning field goal, after missing it but getting to rekick because of a questionable “running into the kicker” penalty.
* 2005: Losing to the Patriots again at home in the AFC Championship after a 15-1 season (Ben’s first); not as much of a surprise this time, especially since we didn’t deserve to beat the Jets the week before.
* This past Saturday.
It is notoriously difficult to evaluate one’s happiness or sadness today versus memories of past happiness or sadness, as discussed in the interesting book Stumbling on Happiness. But honestly, this game seems to have created in one sense a deflation that was unique to the previous losses.
Okay, I’ll take that back. The 2001-2002 year was really our year and we thought we were definitely going to the Super Bowl. New England (at the time, so we thought) won the previous week against Oakland on a fluke (remember the Tuck Rule?) Nobody knew at the time of the amazing success-to-come from the Chowderheads. So that one sucked.
And the Tennessee 2003 game was really bad because of the up-and-down excitement and the feeling that the penalty at the end robbed us.
But this loss this past weekend was as emotionally-draining as any I’ve experienced. We were down by 18 going into the fourth quarter and honestly our offense didn’t show anything besides the opening drive all game. Then bam. TD on a slant to Santonio Holmes (who has really been the breakout player of the year for us, IMHO). Bam. TD to Heath Miller. Bam. TD run by Najeh Davenport. 19 points (with two notorious missed 2-point-conversions) in about 10 minutes.
The Mehta / Fiftful Dreams household went from shear embarassment at our team to absolute elation in that time. Between stomping and cheering, I was texting friends like a madman. And I don’t even text much, let alone act cool enough to use the “text” as a verb.
When we stopped the Jags the first time after we went up 29-28 and got the ball back, I was already counting my chickens. Thinking about New England next week (assuming San Diego beat Tennessee). Thinking about how we would play differently this time.
Then 4 minutes of football from hell. 3rd and 6 for us. QB run to the left? With an ailing Ben? 1 yard? Punt. Crappy punt. 40 yards with no hangtime. Net of like 25. Hold them on first. Second. Third. 4th and 2. David Garrard running up the middle. Okay a first down but we can tackle him and they’re still in long FG range. Short FG range. He’s still running. Finally we tackle him at like the 15 or something.
As a side note, at this point (with under 2 minutes left and with us having our 3 time outs), I really thought we should have let Garrard run it in or let them score a TD on the next play. Apparently others have thought of this. The counter argument (as per the article I linked to) is that you should force them to kick a FG because you will still get 30s left (with no time outs) and they might mess up the kick (like in the Seattle-Dallas game last year). My point is that I think the odds of Ben driving the field to score a TD with 1:30 left and 3 timeouts is way higher than the odds of either the Jaguars missing a 25-yard field goal or us getting the ball with 30s left, our crappy return game taking it 1 yard and Ben moving the 50 or so yards needed, spiking the ball and kicking a FG. I’ll take Ben scoring a TD with 1:30 and 3 time outs any day.
Needless to say, Mike Tomlin didn’t agree and the rest is history.
The toughest part about this one was the emotional roller coast and the “what if.” I inevitably kept thinking (all the way to now) - “what if we had won?” I would have been so happy - even happier than if we had just crushed them from the start. I would have probably been as happy as I had felt after any victory except maybe the 2005-2006 divisional playoff against Indianapolis with the infamous Bettis fumble and Ben tackle to save the game. The thing is that happiness doesn’t come from the absolute outcome as much as the relative outcome. A comeback victory is just unparallel. This would have been one of the best ever.
I sometimes wonder why I get so wrapped up in the Steelers. It makes no sense in that I have no influence on the outcome and yet I get so happy when it’s positive and so depressed when it’s negative. Indeed, this whole week, I didn’t want to watch football (I skipped the BCS Championship), talk about it (I avoided the water cooler-like coffee room at work) or even listen to people talk about it (I go from listening to the Ticket 1050 all the time in the car during the Steelers season to hardly at all until the next September). Yet I have nothing to do with it.
I think the standard answer would be that I’m being irrational. And I understand that feeling. But I do feel that being a fan of anything creates a special feeling of emotional investment and bonding that is pretty genuine, despite the lack of direct control we have over outcome. Heck, it’s not really clear what real control we have over outcome in the things we think we “directly” influence (e.g., our careers) So perhaps being wrapped up in your team isn’t that much more crazy than being wrapped up in getting a promotion. Who knows.
In any case, now begins the long road to September (Wake Me Up When September Begins, to paraphrase Green Day). There will be some off-season drama (draft, free agents, what happens to Faneca) and Ed Bouchette has a good recap and forecast to get things started. But it can’t compare to the thrill of Sundays.
Luckily, one thing that makes it easier this year is having Asha. It’s cliche, but I’m finding that being a dad does ease or at least obfuscate some of these feelings. As we tried to explain to Asha what happened to the Steelers, we remarked “Steelers going sweepy-time.” In her perfect way, she responded, “Good Night Steelers.”
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/10/steelers-ramblings-jaguars-31-steelers-29-good-night-steelers/
One of my mental New Year’s resolutions was to blog every day. Consistently. And here I am on January 9th with my first post. So belated Happy New Year!
I have an excuse though… I am under a stormy cloud, probably the same giant one that’s physically covered the San Francisco area for the past week and metaphorically draped the Pittsburgh (412) area code and outliers like the Mehta household since Saturday. If you missed it, our Steelers lost a heart-breaker (in every sense of the word) to the Jaguars in the first (Wild Card) round of the playoffs last weekend.
I’ve been a Steelers fan for a long time (15 years or so). I’ve lived through every season with all of my heart. And, despite my eternal optimism and annual wager on them winning the Super Bowl, most years they eventually lose (except the glorious 2005-2006 season). Therefore, nearly every year, the weekly Sunday ritual ends prematurely. This is the situation for 31 of 32 NFL teams and their adoring audience each year. This is the deal we accept as fans. Most of the time (all of the time if you are a Browns or Bengals fan :) ) disappointment will eventually come.
It either arrives mid-season when you realize your team won’t make the playoffs, at the end of the season as you watch an 8-8 or 9-7 record barely miss and wish you were in the NFC or in January at some point. That’s the deal. It’s never easy.
Each time, you then look at the calendar and, if you’re me, you figure out how many days til the new season kicks off next September. This is the drill.
I remember pretty much every playoff loss since I’ve been a fan and the scars are unique in their own ways:
* 1995: Losing to the San Diego Chargers, after being heavy favorites, at home because we got stopped on fourth-and-goal.
* 1996: Losing to the Dallas Cowboys in the Super Bowl due to the 3 Neil O’Donnell Christmas-wrapped interceptions.
* 1997: Getting blown out 28-3 by the pre-Brady/Bellicheck Patriots, before we knew that they are who we thought they were.
* 1998: Losing 24-21 to the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship at home, after ill-advised coaching caused Kordell Stewart to throw when we were at the Denver goal line (back when we had an unstoppable running game) and began the back-to-back for Elway.
* 2002: Losing to the Cinderella season first Pats Super Bowl team, after being heavily favored at home in the AFC Championship; a result of a punt and FG return for a TD, both featuring Troy Brown.
* 2003: Losing a thrilling divisional playoff game to Tennessee, with our D letting Mcnair & Co. move down the field in OT and kick the winning field goal, after missing it but getting to rekick because of a questionable “running into the kicker” penalty.
* 2005: Losing to the Patriots again at home in the AFC Championship after a 15-1 season (Ben’s first); not as much of a surprise this time, especially since we didn’t deserve to beat the Jets the week before.
* This past Saturday.
It is notoriously difficult to evaluate one’s happiness or sadness today versus memories of past happiness or sadness, as discussed in the interesting book Stumbling on Happiness. But honestly, this game seems to have created in one sense a deflation that was unique to the previous losses.
Okay, I’ll take that back. The 2001-2002 year was really our year and we thought we were definitely going to the Super Bowl. New England (at the time, so we thought) won the previous week against Oakland on a fluke (remember the Tuck Rule?) Nobody knew at the time of the amazing success-to-come from the Chowderheads. So that one sucked.
And the Tennessee 2003 game was really bad because of the up-and-down excitement and the feeling that the penalty at the end robbed us.
But this loss this past weekend was as emotionally-draining as any I’ve experienced. We were down by 18 going into the fourth quarter and honestly our offense didn’t show anything besides the opening drive all game. Then bam. TD on a slant to Santonio Holmes (who has really been the breakout player of the year for us, IMHO). Bam. TD to Heath Miller. Bam. TD run by Najeh Davenport. 19 points (with two notorious missed 2-point-conversions) in about 10 minutes.
The Mehta / Fiftful Dreams household went from shear embarassment at our team to absolute elation in that time. Between stomping and cheering, I was texting friends like a madman. And I don’t even text much, let alone act cool enough to use the “text” as a verb.
When we stopped the Jags the first time after we went up 29-28 and got the ball back, I was already counting my chickens. Thinking about New England next week (assuming San Diego beat Tennessee). Thinking about how we would play differently this time.
Then 4 minutes of football from hell. 3rd and 6 for us. QB run to the left? With an ailing Ben? 1 yard? Punt. Crappy punt. 40 yards with no hangtime. Net of like 25. Hold them on first. Second. Third. 4th and 2. David Garrard running up the middle. Okay a first down but we can tackle him and they’re still in long FG range. Short FG range. He’s still running. Finally we tackle him at like the 15 or something.
As a side note, at this point (with under 2 minutes left and with us having our 3 time outs), I really thought we should have let Garrard run it in or let them score a TD on the next play. Apparently others have thought of this. The counter argument (as per the article I linked to) is that you should force them to kick a FG because you will still get 30s left (with no time outs) and they might mess up the kick (like in the Seattle-Dallas game last year). My point is that I think the odds of Ben driving the field to score a TD with 1:30 left and 3 timeouts is way higher than the odds of either the Jaguars missing a 25-yard field goal or us getting the ball with 30s left, our crappy return game taking it 1 yard and Ben moving the 50 or so yards needed, spiking the ball and kicking a FG. I’ll take Ben scoring a TD with 1:30 and 3 time outs any day.
Needless to say, Mike Tomlin didn’t agree and the rest is history.
The toughest part about this one was the emotional roller coast and the “what if.” I inevitably kept thinking (all the way to now) - “what if we had won?” I would have been so happy - even happier than if we had just crushed them from the start. I would have probably been as happy as I had felt after any victory except maybe the 2005-2006 divisional playoff against Indianapolis with the infamous Bettis fumble and Ben tackle to save the game. The thing is that happiness doesn’t come from the absolute outcome as much as the relative outcome. A comeback victory is just unparallel. This would have been one of the best ever.
I sometimes wonder why I get so wrapped up in the Steelers. It makes no sense in that I have no influence on the outcome and yet I get so happy when it’s positive and so depressed when it’s negative. Indeed, this whole week, I didn’t want to watch football (I skipped the BCS Championship), talk about it (I avoided the water cooler-like coffee room at work) or even listen to people talk about it (I go from listening to the Ticket 1050 all the time in the car during the Steelers season to hardly at all until the next September). Yet I have nothing to do with it.
I think the standard answer would be that I’m being irrational. And I understand that feeling. But I do feel that being a fan of anything creates a special feeling of emotional investment and bonding that is pretty genuine, despite the lack of direct control we have over outcome. Heck, it’s not really clear what real control we have over outcome in the things we think we “directly” influence (e.g., our careers) So perhaps being wrapped up in your team isn’t that much more crazy than being wrapped up in getting a promotion. Who knows.
In any case, now begins the long road to September (Wake Me Up When September Begins, to paraphrase Green Day). There will be some off-season drama (draft, free agents, what happens to Faneca) and Ed Bouchette has a good recap and forecast to get things started. But it can’t compare to the thrill of Sundays.
Luckily, one thing that makes it easier this year is having Asha. It’s cliche, but I’m finding that being a dad does ease or at least obfuscate some of these feelings. As we tried to explain to Asha what happened to the Steelers, we remarked “Steelers going sweepy-time.” In her perfect way, she responded, “Good Night Steelers.”
http://fitfuldreams.wordpress.com/2008/01/10/steelers-ramblings-jaguars-31-steelers-29-good-night-steelers/
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