Dipity
diablocody
@Krall That's just weird. If she's going to marry a ride at Knoebel's, she should at least choose Phoenix.
- 7/29, 8am
from web
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@DebAmlen Back at ya!
- 7/28, 12pm
from web
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RT @kayhanley Friendster just emailed me to update my profile. I'll check that out right after I solve Pi on this abacus.
- 7/28, 12pm
from web
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@GigiLevangie Still sexier than my "bleaching the 'stache" ritual.
- 7/28, 11am
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@joeymcintyre That's a fantastic idea. I'm in.
- 7/27, 11am
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@louisvirtel Baby's First In-N-Out! This needs a commemorative keepsake ornament. May have to blow the glass myself.
- 7/25, 10am
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@Lauren_Collins Oh my God, thank you for validating me!
- 7/22, 3pm
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David Cassidy is drinking coffee right outside my office.
- 7/22, 10am
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@Busyphilipps25 Be sure to get the Hollywood Bumpit for extra height.
- 7/17, 4pm
from web
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@louisvirtel You are the rare Princess Bear Beanie Baby in the bowling alley of my heart.
- 7/17, 11am
from TwitterBerry
diablocody
@MaryCrandall Thanks. I'm really excited for Toni; she puts so much into the show.
- 7/16, 1pm
from web
diablocody
Everyone had those Underoos in my pic. Was Wonder Woman the sole option for girls, or were there Scarlet Witch 'roos I didn't know about?
- 7/13, 7pm
from TwitterBerry
diablocody
Can't sleep. Leaving on trip tomorrow. I think this ancient commercial sums it up: [ http]
- 7/10, 12am
from web
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@JoshDCarson I actually just laughed out loud. (A sentiment that's been cheapened by the whole "LOL" phenomenon.)
- 7/9, 8pm
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Can't believe they thought I could be trusted on the lot. If I hear anyone famous is at the commissary, I suddenly "need" to buy Fritos.
- 7/8, 3pm
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diablocody
@lamymclamelame Yes, but did you eat it piece by piece?
- 7/8, 1pm
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diablocody
@louisvirtel How about when she performed "Escapade" on the AMAs that one time and she totally had to follow Paula Abdul? Rivalry!
- 7/7, 2pm
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diablocody
@petewentz Your cage-free organic infant is adorable. Next time I will definitely say hello.
- 7/5, 9pm
from web
diablocody
Let freedom ring. Let the white dove sing. Let that guy over there know that I'd like another knockwurst and a Diet Coke.
- 7/4, 2pm
from web
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I ordered a bunch of Yankee Candles while drunk. Now the house smells of pie and remorse.
- 7/3, 1pm
from TwitterBerry
diablocody
@pambusey I don't have any plans for the 4th. I miss Taste of Chicago.
- 7/2, 6pm
from web
diablocody
There's something sad about an untouched fruit plate in an empty conference room. I'm gonna fuck this shit up.
- 6/30, 10am
from web
diablocody
I just got mocked for putting Kris Kross on my workout mix.
- 6/27, 7pm
from web
diablocody
@AimsterGal No, this one is silver. Possibly, this person has two Ferraris? One "good" Ferrari and one littered with Arby's wrappers?
- 6/18, 1pm
from web
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@AndyMilonakis I am looking forward to our fancy dinner together. "Sweetbreads" is another word for donuts, right?
- 6/17, 7pm
from web
diablocody
"House of Sand and Fun" #nicerfilmtitles
- 6/17, 7pm
from web
diablocody
Turns out chocolate cake is even more delicious the next day. Just got caught eating it straight out of my palm in the office kitchen.
- 6/16, 12pm
from web
diablocody
http://twitpic.com/782y0 Burger King has JoBros crowns. I am pleased.
- 6/12, 1pm
from TwitterBerry
diablocody
@The_WereSnail H&M. I got home, put it on, and did "Laugh-In" dance moves all over the living room. Poor Dan.
- 6/9, 8pm
from web
diablocody
I scored a dress for $15 today. It looks exactly like my JC Penney "flapper" Halloween costume from 1991. Still, $15!
- 6/9, 8pm
from web
diablocody
My German shepherd needs a harassment seminar. He just ran in here with a huge boner and knocked me down.
- 6/9, 12pm
from web
diablocody
Heading into a "product integration meeting." My suggestion? Delicious Diet Pepper in every frame. United States of Pepper!
- 6/3, 10am
from web
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@louisvirtel Don't worry, I'll front-load the comments with slobbering anonymous compliments.
- 5/31, 9pm
from web
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@kellyoxford '94 was also the year we were told that a jobless, sneering Ethan Hawke was preferable to cute young Ben Stiller.
- 5/31, 9pm
from web
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@ametzinLA Hey, I got mad respect for reality writers. Please keep entertaining us, because I watch all of 'em.
- 5/31, 9pm
from web
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Here's how old/uncool I am: Saw R. Pattison at a party a few months ago and was like "Are you in a movie, sweetie?" This really happened.
- 5/31, 9pm
from web
diablocody
Flying kites on the beach today. Hope I get my period so I can demonstrate how carefree and confident my tampon makes me feel.
- 5/30, 12pm
from web
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Read "The Chris Farley Show" last night. Sad. I related to a lot of the Catholic & OCD junk, not to mention the booze.
- 5/28, 10am
from web
diablocody
RT @DameElizabeth It's a shame more public servants don't have San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's courage in speaking out against Prop 8.
- 5/27, 6pm
from web
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@tracymcmillan We missed you today. I read Intimate Communion and totally want to discuss.
- 5/26, 9pm
from web
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@catlinski Good question, re: Kate. I think anyone thrust into the public eye "goes Hollywood" to some extent. It's protective coloration.
- 5/26, 10am
from web
diablocody
Fuck this shit. Time to watch "Real Housewives" and drown my sorrow in Barefoot Bubbly.
- 5/20, 11pm
from web
diablocody
Usher's new album is called Monster. Looking forward to first single: "What's the Frequency, Ne-Yo?" (Yeah, I'm old.)
- 5/20, 6pm
from web
diablocody
That should have read "Ginsberg." I need a McLatte.
- 5/19, 10am
from web
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Made an attempt to get my parents on Twitter this weekend. Like training a dog to ride a Vespa: both dangerous and impractical.
- 5/18, 10am
from web
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Love my new haircut, but I woke up looking like Jon & Kate Minus Jon Plus Hangover.
- 5/15, 11am
from web
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My dog officially has more clean shirts than I do.
- 5/13, 9pm
from web
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@Caitlin84 It looks good to me too, but I can just imagine myself 20 minutes later: supine, bloated, and reeking of chicken carbonara.
- 5/13, 7pm
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Domino's Bread Bowl Pasta: repulsive carb-cradle or stunning achievement?
- 5/13, 6pm
from web
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@steveagee WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! You're like a cam girl!
- 5/12, 1pm
from web
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@jbraeds Did you see Kate hit Jon with the spatula in said promo? It was like bad literary foreshadowing.
- 5/11, 10pm
from web
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@stephenhero Struggling to pull a Paul Lynde joke out of the aether, but nothing's coming.
- 5/11, 10am
from web
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Father's Office for lunch. They won't give you ketchup for your fries even upon request. That's some smug pseudo-Dutch shit right there.
- 5/9, 7pm
from web
diablocody
@finkel_is_great Once a guy asked me to finger his butt and then yelled at me for doing it wrong. Like I was the deviant in that scenario.
- 5/7, 11pm
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diablocody
@steveagee I wish real Patton was on here and not some douche squatter.
- 5/7, 11pm
from web
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@capricecrane Quoth the brilliant bombshell herself! Please gurl, you so tasty.
- 5/5, 3pm
from web
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Dan just pointed out a woman who looks exactly like Goo from the old Gumby series.
- 5/3, 1am
from TwitterBerry
diablocody
Lorene came over this morning. Pre-work friend time is one of those proverbial best things in life that are free.
- 4/30, 10am
from web
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@dmaurio is actually laughing hysterically at how good Adam is compared to the others.
- 4/28, 10pm
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@alexWTrugs This would have been SO much better with you singing "The Way You Look Tonight."
- 4/28, 10pm
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@robcorddry I like that we're nestled close, but I'm envious that you got a Head Pic.
- 4/28, 9pm
from web
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EXTRAY! Quippy Quipperson finally gets stroked by NY Mag: [ http]
- 4/28, 2pm
from web
diablocody
@louisvirtel RAISIN' DICKS IN MY BUNS.
- 4/26, 10pm
from web
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Daisy kind of looks like Wrong Path Hilary Duff. And 12-Pack kind of looks like Deformed John Kreese.
- 4/26, 9pm
from web
diablocody
Dan just goes, "Will you Twitter something negative about Yao Min? Say you're unimpressed by his flabby dominance." Okay.
- 4/26, 8pm
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@VinnyBartowski I'm in.
- 4/26, 8pm
from web
diablocody
Everyone here is napping, dogs & humans alike. I'm writing a loud, mean scene for contrast.
- 4/25, 2pm
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@kevin_nealon We're loving Craig, for sure. Feel very lucky. Nice to get a Tweet from you!
- 4/25, 2pm
from web
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@ronnaglickman The pleasure was all mine!
- 4/24, 8pm
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@rainnwilson That's one of the best albums ever. Craig Wright works with me on United States of Tara now. He's a delight.
- 4/23, 11am
from web
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My dress from 90210 just resurfaced on this week's ep. On a mannequin. Next week, will it cameo as a pile of rags at the Peach Pit?
- 4/21, 10pm
from web
diablocody
True story: Just cradled my dog's face in my hands and began singing "Wichita Lineman." He barfed before I made it to the pre-chorus.
- 4/20, 11pm
from web
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@kidsis He's playing! One of my favorite singers; makes Adam Lambert's falsetto look like weak sauce. (And I love Lambert, mind you.)
- 4/18, 9pm
from web
diablocody
John Carpenter at Universal Bar and Grill in NoHo tomorrow. Seriously, people.
- 4/18, 8pm
from txt
diablocody
We have been breaking some serious episodes, and my brain feels like a quivering mound of lutefisk. (MSP/Saint Paul HOLLA!)
- 4/15, 11am
from web
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@richardrushfield Lil couldn't do Tina justice, but I suspect Kris is woman enough.
- 4/14, 2pm
from web
diablocody
I wonder if the writers of Camp Rock were slyly referring to the French "se camper": to pose in an exaggerated fashion.
- 4/14, 11am
from web
diablocody
I'm going to start running after celebrities shaking a rake. The fun will end when Jim Belushi throws a bag of flaming shit at our bungalow.
- 4/9, 2pm
from web
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I just said "dashing." I'm so lame I need a walker.
- 4/8, 11am
from web
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Tonight me and Dana and Liz and Lorene are having dinner with someone dashing. Hint: I once did a MySpace video with him.
- 4/8, 11am
from web
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@stephenhero I only eat Haribo gummi products. We sold them by the register at my folks' German restaurant-- ahh, achingly sweet memories.
- 4/7, 11pm
from web
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@ideaprovince I think it might be Rogen's "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels." I'm not 100% sure what I mean by that, but I stand by it.
- 4/7, 11pm
from web
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@tomcunningham I read for a part in that movie! First and only time I've ever done that. Got good and drunk first...didn't work, obviously.
- 4/7, 11pm
from web
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(Kidding about razor; dead serious about unceremonious Party Oust.)
- 4/7, 1pm
from web
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@stephenhero You got a car full of girls and it's going real swell. The next stop is the Eastside Motel.
- 4/3, 6pm
from web
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I can't believe my boyfriend is 100% guido and has never had giardiniere. What the hell is going on in New Jersey?
- 4/2, 9pm
from web
diablocody
Three Twitter-people just stopped following me INSTANTLY after I posted about Idol. That's actually hilarious.
- 3/31, 10am
from web
diablocody
I left a glass of vodka-Red Bull in my work area last night and now it smells like turpentine. Pretending I'm Bob Ross.
- 3/31, 10am
from web
diablocody
Last time I was in Chicago, my brother goes "Let's go to J-Bar." I was like "What's that?" And he goes "The Jonas Brothers' bar."
- 3/26, 5pm
from web
diablocody
And I was like "JoBros-- stoppin' bloodborne pathogens, oh yeah!"
- 3/26, 5pm
from web
diablocody
I just met Tori and Dean. I screamed "DEAN!" like the reality fangirl I am.
- 1/28, 4pm
from txt
diablocody
I think I'm gonna watch my screener of "Australia" and eat some nachos.
- 1/17, 10pm
from txt
diablocody
Now, let us discuss "Rock of Love Bus." Did that chick put a shotglass in her clam or what?
- 1/5, 4pm
from web
diablocody
You know she wants to go Piven on his ass when he won't give them up.
- 1/3, 6pm
from txt
diablocody
Good morning! We got a good review in Variety. ( My brain is still pickled in Prosecco.)
- 1/1, 3pm
from txt
diablocody
It was one of those moments that are so cinematic you can't react. My phone sank like Ophelia, its beautiful icons shimmering in the depths.
- 12/30, 6pm
from web
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I have to Tweet from the computer now because Lorene's Rottweiler knocked my 3G into the dog bowl. No shit!
- 12/30, 6pm
from web
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We are watching The Muppet Show and eating candy. Talk about indulging your inner kiddo!
- 8/2, 1pm
from txt
diablocody
I had to buy a modest swimsuit for the water parks. Don't want to traumatize 50 coaster geeks with my humps.
- 7/25, 5pm
from txt
diablocody
I like to do amyl nitrate on the Zipper. You just flip and flip and listen to your brain sizzle..
- 7/25, 5pm
from txt
diablocody
We're boarding a motor coach en masse and hitting 9 amusement parks in 5 days.
- 7/25, 5pm
from txt
diablocody
We just went to the mall. I bought two pairs of shorts for my coaster-chasing trip next week.
- 7/25, 5pm
from txt
diablocody
I am sitting across from a spa for children. Yes, a spa for children.
- 7/11, 6pm
from txt
diablocody
@tomcunningham: did you go to a Russian charms dealer for all that artillery? We are HATED on Twitter, son.
- 7/6, 11pm
from txt
diablocody
@tomcunningham There is so
much charm in this exchange it's insane. It's a charm-splosion! A charmaculation!
- 7/6, 10pm
from txt
diablocody
@tomcunningham I am adorable. Yes, I paid $85 for a new component and now am happy and not bitter at all.
- 7/5, 10pm
from txt
diablocody
I'm watching the classic SNL"Sinatra Group" sketch with Phil Hartman.
- 7/4, 10am
from txt
diablocody
I may have just pulled off the world's first successful Twitter-based search and rescue.
- 6/27, 4pm
from txt
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