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BREAKING NEWS! STOP THE PRESSES! MATT DAVIS IS BACK FROM HIS VACATION!!!! http://bit.ly/MTcHQ (Wait. Matt Davis was on vacation? Huh.)

Jul 20, 2009 1:08 PM

The Mercury's giving away tickets to an outdoor screening of the Marx Brothers' Duck Soup! Your grandma will love it! http://bit.ly/XZL1U

Jul 15, 2009 1:36 PM

Corey Feldman attends Michael Jackson's memorial dressed as Michael Jackson. http://tinyurl.com/moxkp6 Wait… WHAT?!??

Jul 7, 2009 3:22 PM

Portland gets a new streetcar; politicians get a new reason to give each other handjobs. http://tinyurl.com/mv6rrt

Jul 1, 2009 12:56 PM

The Mercury interviews Al Roker. http://tinyurl.com/nvfkju Wait… WHAT?!?

Jun 19, 2009 9:49 AM

Once again, the Mercury imbeciles confuse "journalism" with "Ron Jeremy talking about Rodney Dangerfield's balls." http://bit.ly/Cz4p7

Jun 17, 2009 6:33 PM

Win tickets to The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien!!! Heh. NO. The Mercury has tickets to "Port O'Brien," though. (Zzz.) http://bit.ly/v78B2

Jun 16, 2009 3:12 PM

@StephStricklen, you are the only person I can stand in this accursed town. Your beauty delights all who gaze upon it.

May 21, 2009 3:29 PM

I'm following @StephStricklen… AND NOT ON TWITTER. Heh. Hehhhhh.

May 19, 2009 7:02 PM

Settle down, dweebs. Your dweeb show got renewed. (I'll start caring if--and ONLY if--Eliza Dushku takes her top off.) http://bit.ly/SqpuO

May 15, 2009 7:39 PM

The Mercury's film editor tries to trick people into thinking he likes movies without spaceships. Nice try, dumbass. http://bit.ly/jt7kl

May 14, 2009 11:29 AM

Timbers owner Merritt Paulson is compared to Halloween's Mike Meyers—except Meyers never cried like a g-damn baby. http://tinyurl.com/oayhj9

May 13, 2009 1:41 PM

UGH! Staff imbecile Patrick Coleman's love for revolting food continues with the "Fatty Melt"! UGH!! http://tinyurl.com/dlnmmq

May 8, 2009 1:56 PM

Speaking of nerds, the Mercury's resident uber-dweeb just splooged all over Star Trek. Shocking. http://bit.ly/aSJ2c

May 7, 2009 2:30 PM

The Mercury's pathetic, lonely film editor desperately tries to obtain friends by giving away Cinemapocalypse tickets. http://tiny.cc/O8Mqw

Apr 20, 2009 2:05 PM

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